“I’m so bored… There’s nothing to do… Nobody loves me..”
STOP right there, princess (or prince – look at us being all inclusive and $h!t™)!
You think boredom was an option for people living in ancient times – like the 1980’s?
No. Back then, people lived in neon light caves and had to hunt for food, like, at the supermarket. No Uber Eats. No Netflix and chill. Just survival of the fittest (there’s no way you would have fit in those tight jeans and spandex otherwise).
Since then, technological advancement has given us nothing but harmful detractions to suck the creativity and in-the-moment potential from our personalities. What’s left, then, is a generation of uninspired, unmotivated mobile phone zombies. #fml #lame #nofilter
But fret not, my lacklustre children. Below you will find an inspiringly trivial list of activities to act as a suppository for times where imagination may fail you.
What’s your poison?
This one’s easy! Get off the couch and do some lunges on your way to the fridge. Then, grab two six packs of alcoholic beverage (one in each hand) and do some curls on your way back to the couch. Exercise for the day: CHECK! Down each drink as fast as you can until you pass out.
The good thing about this activity is that you can do it on your own or with friends. Bonus points if you leave the house and support your local drinking establishment.
Puff The Magic Dragon
“4:20 Already? Well, stop mething around, dude! We still have to rob the liquor store on the corner to pay back Martinez for the last ounce he loaned us… “
Problem solving, decision making, maths – maintaining a serious drug habit takes hard work. But your affliction will take care of the motivation to chase the next high, so that’s neat. And if you can’t afford rehab once all your teeth are gone you can always go to prison and get it for free, including food and accommodation. Thank you, tax payers!
Dinner Dinner, Chicken Winner
What better way to kill boredom than raising the steaks? You get to leave the house, meat new people and experience the rash of going all in on a risky gambling move. Just watch out for the big fella with the tire iron in the back when you’re five grand down.
And there you have it, kids. The next time you feel like expressing your disinterest, pick one of the three past times mentioned above. And if one of them does not change the tide, why not try combining them? It’s your life. Now go out and LIVE IT!
For more malaprop-ridden (NOT) life advice and other chuckle inducing, time passing content refer to gigglr.tv.