How To Sleep In A Meeting Tips

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How To Sleep In A Meeting Tips
Shut up Jim, it’s too early for this shit.

Oh f@ck it’s Monday and your sleepy ass barely made it to the office and the boss just called a 9:00AM meeting! Douche! Anyway, quick! Think dammit! How will you conserve your energy and kill time at the same time? Here’s how…

Get there early, contribute early
Strike in the pre-game warm up. In this period you can give half-assed answers and ideas that make no sense whatsoever because the team will put it down to the pre-game warm up! Then when the real meeting kicks in the boss will be giving the colleagues the greasies and hounding them for the real answers, but you already checked out.

Don’t sit too close
Nothing good ever comes from being too close to the front ANYWHERE. Front row gig you say? Blam! Here’s warm band sweat for your bottom lip. And what about that baseball game Your cousin got free tickets to? Kapow! Here’s that leather ball your face asked for. Oh and don’t forget police lineups: Cop: Do you see anyone you recognise? Victim prolly: Yes that’s him, in the FRONT ROW.

Don’t sit too far
Sit too far and you’re an anti-social loner that’ll unlikely get an invite to Caroline’s kid’s 6th birthday party. Sit too close and you’re an anti-social teacher’s pet that’ll unlikely get an invite to Caroline’s kid’s 6th birthday party. Don’t be an anti-social loner, teacher’s pet okay?

Hide behind a colleague
Position your chair a little further out to the colleague sitting front-side of you. This will give you the necessary meat shield to yawn, stare at that hot I.T. lass’ “personality” wink, wink and catch those all important Z’s. Requirements: any regular corporate monkey to hide behind (though a fatty is preferred).

Peace.